The Magic of Sexual Arousal:
Part 3 ~ Energy
Inspired by Intimate Conversations
with Kim & Krista
Written by KristaLove Louise Hagman
Welcome to the final installment of this three-part series on the magic of sexual arousal. We’ve journeyed long and hard (no pun intended) through the intricacies of living an aroused, sexually awakened life. We learned that in the body, erectile tissue is the same for men and women, and during sex play and human contact the brain releases a pleasurable chemical cocktail. There are countless opportunities to experience the sensuality of life, fully activating all five senses. We traversed through the mind, our concepts, stories and ideas of what is sexy, how we feel about being turned on, and the ideas that culture, family and religion have imprinted on us about sex and sexuality — and (thank goodness) we have the power to transform these beliefs.
Last and certainly not least, we explore energy, the potent connection necessary for a fully awakened, present and authentic experience of sexual arousal. The challenge, and joy, of writing about energy is that it is the intangible, ineffable, non-logical. It’s the “spark” we experience when we connect deeply with another or “click” instantly upon meeting. It’s the speechlessness that comes from awe-inspiring moments of beauty like new life or the vibrancy of a sunset. This is energy, which some call Spirit, life-force, Chi, Prana, God/Goddess, or Divine Consciousness, among countless other names. Throughout time and history humans have used these terms to describe the indescribable. This life-force energy is the animating quality in all of us. When it is stimulated and awakened, we feel more in the flow and connected to all of life around us. Chi is the energy in the body that pumps the blood, allows us to be breathed without conscious thought, and digests food without needing to think about it. Energy is already present, and when we bring awareness to it we amplify the movement and experience of that energy.
To demonstrate energy, here’s an experiment. Feel your toes. Wiggle your toes. This is an example of the mind interacting with the body, a thought being transferred into the physical. An inverse example: if you stub your toe, the body is telling the mind “ow”-pain-hurt. What makes the thought of “toes” help you feel your toes? Energy. Awareness. Rather than thinking about it as the mind-body connection, I encourage a re-framing into mind-body-connection. All three elements are needed for a full experience. By full experience I mean it’s not only desire (an idea of what we want and what will satisfy us) that turns us on; it’s more than the body being touched with the right pressure or stroke; it’s also the soul being awakened by the acknowledgement of another.
Intention brings spirituality into sexuality and can make sex play a sacred ritual. We can have sex with the primary focus on the body (the right touch), or be aroused from the mind (the right-looking person or “the one”). When energy is added to body and mind we create a holistic experience of sexual arousal and intimacy. Bringing mindfulness into your sex play is like comparing conscious breathing to passive (automatic) breathing. With awareness, breath becomes bigger, fuller and all-encompassing instead of the bare-basics to keep us alive. Think about S.E.X. as an acronym for Sexual Energetic eXchange. We are opening a primal, vulnerable, pleasurable part of ourselves and sharing that with another person, and allowing their energy to enter and play with ours.
We can think about arousal like a food. There are quick foods, which provide calories and instant satisfaction. There are comfort foods, which make us feel better and can be the good old “go-tos” that we rely on for the right end result. And there is gourmet cooking — three course meals that provide nutrients, mouth-watering flavor, the experience of the dining atmosphere, and the company of the most enjoyable souls. There is a time and place for all of these types of experiences, and chances are we have one that is “the norm.” We have the opportunity to choose which type of experience we want to have. Bringing awareness into your sexuality requires curiosity of what you need to be turned on today, and a recognition that this shifts and changes over time, depending on your mood, age, physical state, and other areas in life that influence your energy (family, community, work, etc.).
Energy is where intention meets the chemicals of the brain (dopamine/desire, oxytocin/bonding and serotonin/regulation), the sensations of the body, and the ideas of pleasure and sexuality. In turn, it creates an enlivened, full-spectrum experience of sex — and life. A connection to life shows up potently in sexual arousal and is also the impetus for inspiration; it’s the drive to create, share, explore the unknown and be of service. The benefit of experiencing connection sexually is the abundance of the pleasure that’s possible — physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Presence is not an addition of something into the space; it is a surrendering, a letting go of the ideas of “who” this person is (their name, job, hair color, etc.), and a choice to see them for their Spirit, which ultimately is the same as your Spirit. The energy alive inside another is the same as the energy alive inside you, and every other living thing in the universe. Awareness is the recognition of your Spirit in another, their Spirit in you, and Great Spirit in everything. It’s the feeling of timelessness and spaciousness when we are caught in the moment with a good friend, a sweet puppy, a newborn or beautiful landscape.
We can choose to see our beloved with fresh eyes at any moment, and experience their touch as if it’s the first electric time we embraced. Sacred sexuality is about choice, intention and celebration! Below is a list of suggestions to enhance the magic of your sexual arousal.
- Create an intentional time to connect with yourself or your beloved and to practice rituals that call Spirit into your sacred space. (Note: Intentional Intimate Time doesn’t have to mean intercourse; it means sharing your heart, body and mind with pure presence and acceptance of yourself and another.)
- Turn yourself on, and well before climax, translate that energy into a challenging task at hand, and see the new potential available after awakening yourself.
- Practice eye gazing. (Ever heard “the eyes are the windows to the soul”?) Stare into your eyes in a mirror or the eyes of your beloved, and experience each other’s souls.
- Read inspiring poetry or short stories to one another.
- Embrace your beloved (or hug yourself!) and take 5-10 slow, deep breaths together.
- Consider the questions: Why do I want to engage sexually with this person? What unique energies are we bringing together, and how can we best celebrate them?
- Introduce novelty and variety into your routine (of sex and life!). Give time to your individual passions and bring that excitement for life into the bedroom.
- Sprinkle mindfulness into other areas of your life: cooking & eating, walking, yoga, dancing, getting dressed, brushing your teeth, taking a shower… any routine or activity can be a moment of awakening when we give it attention and presence.
- Check out Kim’s Erotic Altar Online Course for 21 days of support to create and enhance your connection to your sexual and sensual self!
Read The Magic of Sexual Arousal: Part 1 ~ The Body
Read The Magic of Sexual Arousal: Part 2 ~ The Mind