What Is Your Erotic Signature?

by Kim Rose Keller

handsSignatures are like snowflakes; no two are alike. My signature is uniquely my own and has had small to large variations over the course of my life.  I have a signature I use when I’m in a hurry, I have a signature I use on legal documents, and I have a signature that I use in my more personal communications.  My handwritten signature is not a “one size fits all,” and neither is my erotic signature.

What is erotic? Webster’s Dictionary says it is “of, devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire.”  In the past, when I would think “erotic,” I would think of things like erotic art, erotic parties or erotic touch. What I’ve come to understand, is that, like with my signature, there are variations: what I find erotic when I’m in a hurry, when I’m feeling more conventional, and when I’m feeling more relaxed and free.  Like the signature of my name, my erotic signature has both a wide range and some elemental factors that remain the same.

Why does it matter what my erotic signature is?

If I am to be sensually and sexually alive, I need to know what turns me on.  Understanding that signatures differ, I can relax around what is “normal” and “right,” and instead move into “what is right for me,” and “what turns ME on?”

Why is it important to be turned on?

Living a “turned on” life changes everything.  According to Nicole Daedone in her book Slow Sex, she says, “More turn-on during sex means more turn-on everywhere else too.  Turn-on is the energy of life, of flow, of being carried by a force greater than yourself… we become orgasmic, not only in the bedroom, but in life itself.”

As a student of tantra myself, I have come to understand that my sexual and sensual self has a direct impact on the juice, creativity, aliveness and passion I have for all the other areas of my life.

Keeping awake sexually may, for some, feel like a chore.  For others, it’s a joy.  Either way, learning your own unique erotic signature, and implementing what you know about it into your life, is a super fun, pleasurable and delightful way to keep yourself more balanced, positive, and creative.  I’m not just making this stuff up!  The chemicals that are released from our brains and our bodies through touch, orgasm and joy, are proven to be those that improve mood, reduce blood pressure, cause relaxation, create bonding, and stir an all-around good feeling of yumminess.

The true heart of my work is supporting people to find their own erotic signature. I work with people who feel disconnected or dissatisfied with their sex life, and I help them to find more pleasure, joy and intimacy—with or without  a partner.  For many, bringing erotic into their lives feels out of reach or impossible.  For others, they are looking for a way to get more out of their erotic lives.  But the majority of my clients generally feel like either something is missing or there is more available if only they knew what to do. The first “thing to do,” is understand and explore your own erotic signature.

Regardless if you are single or in relationship, here are a few things to ponder:

  1. What words do you use to describe “good sex”?
  2. Does improving your sex life matter to you?  Why?
  3. What turns you on?
  4. What is your most sexually adventurous experience?
  5. Describe your dream sexual encounter.

There are many factors that influence our sexual drives, desires and outcomes.  Cultural conditioning, personal history, parental influence, lack of information, shame, guilt, fear, insecurities.  There are plenty of factors that can deeply interrupt your own sexual satisfaction.

For some, it’s taking time to really connect with their own erotic nature.  For others, its exploring new and uncharted territory of the erotic.  Wherever you are on the path of knowing your own erotic signature, I say explore, discuss, connect, and dive into the rich world of your own erotic awakening.  I think of it like going to the gym — important for your health and well-being — only a lot more fun.


Kim is a Sex and Intimacy Coach.  She works with women, men and couples, and delights in sharing intimate information for people to find more joy, vitality, healing and bliss.  Next month is her Women’s Retreat, Tending the Temple: Sacred Care of Yoni.

Click here to schedule your FREE “I want to have better sex” Breakthrough Call. On this call, I will help you to:

  • Create a sense of clarity about the sex and intimacy you desire.
  • Uncover the essential building blocks for having the rich, connected, fulfilling sex you long for.
  • Discover the #1 thing stopping you from deep, sexual connection.
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward true sexual fulfillment.

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